I said YES

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It’s been many years now

I have known of this Man’s interest in me

He has sent messengers my way

All with the same message

The message of love

 

He has relentlessly pursued me

With love He has reached out to me

He even learnt my love language

He ensured He spoke it so fluently

I attribute all of my best gifts to Him

All this He did because He loved me

 

But even then, I disregarded Him

Him and I aren’t a good match,” I muttered

I love playing, He won’t be there when I need to

He won’t tickle me so I won’t laugh out loud

He is just not my type,” I convinced myself

Yet again I rejected His love

 

He still loved me as much

So much that He let me be, He pestered me not

He watched me fall in love with another man

He stood by as I gave my heart away

He was there as I celebrated every one of the milestones

He did not leave even when we hit the down lows

 

He watched me as I fell in and out of love

With the different men that I thought loved me much more than He did

He watched me basking in the love

That each one of them showered me with

He was right there when I cried my eyes out

As each of them walked out on me

Leaving my broken heart bleeding with pain

 

This man did not give up on me

He offered His shoulder for me to cry on

It was then that I noticed His consistency

I realized that when He says He loves me, He actually means it

I however wondered if it wasn’t too late

I wondered if He still was interested in me

 

I got up, walked right to Him

And before I could say any thing

He made it clear that He still wanted me

He still longed for my heart

He was fully aware of its state

But He asked for it anyway

And I said YES to Him

 

I am excited about it

No ordinary man would accept a heart in pieces

It would be too much baggage for them

No ordinary man would accept a history like mine

Who would want to be one of the scores?

 

But this man overlooked all that

His love covered it all

He embraced me

He made me know that He loves me

He has always done and always will

 

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Jesus Christ, The Lover of my soul

His love for me knows no bounds!

Why we should speak in tongues

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Speaking in tongues is what is called praying in the Spirit.

You have heard many men and women of God imploring us to speak in tongues in fellowships, prayer meetings and such gatherings. Today, I will share some of the benefits of speaking in tongues:

1. Makes prayer easy and enjoyable

Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can not be uttered ~ Romans 8:26

When we speak in tongues, it is the Spirit Himself praying within us.

2. We speak mysteries with God

For he who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men, but to God, for no one understands him; however, in the Spirit he speaks mysteries ~ 1 Corinthians 14:2

There is no way the devil can intercept your prayers and plans, he is literally confused, he has no idea what God and you are up to.

3. We build ourselves up in our faith

But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit ~ Jude 20

Remember, without faith we can not please God, so we need to grow our faith so that God shall be pleased with us.

4. We pray the very will of God

Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God ~ Romans 8:27

What better place to be than the will of God? I always tell people that being out of the will of God is like climbing a mountain, you put in your all and then at the top you realize that you climbed the wrong one!

5. Self edification

He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself ~ 1 Corinthians 14:4

There are those moments when there shall be no one to edify you, but yourself. And it won’t be because there is no one to talk to, but even if you do, none will understand you, so you realize you are better off speaking with God about it.

I pray and hope that you shall pray in the Spirit at all times so you enjoy the above benefits.

Seven years ago today…

me-now

So many moments are still fresh in my memory. It is one of those days I forever cherish, one of those days I always look back at fondly.

I was up by 3:00am, having gone to bed after midnight. It was drizzling when I got up, and deep down my spirit was rejoicing because rain symbolizes blessings where I come from.

Some of the girls on my entourage spent the night with me, so when we got up we prepared, then had a session of prayer with my kindred, and by 5:00am we were out of the house. I am teary as I type this… it is the memory of me saying ‘Goodbye’ to the place I had called home all my life… I was saying ‘Goodbye’ to my people, to my Mummy L I was heading out on my own, I was going to start my own home. It was exciting, but scary at the same time. I would not have my Mummy there when my monthly night mare showed up [read cramps]. I was heading to a world where I was not going to be the baby anymore. The change was so drastic! From home baby to home manger…wow!

The most surprising bit is that I did not feel any of those emotions then, no. I guess they were all clouded by the excitement. I was super excited that the day I had so much looked forward to was finally here. I was excited that I was getting married to the man I was so much in love with. I was excited that I was finally going to walk up the aisle in that crystal white gown and meet my Prince Charming waiting for me the other end, as is every little girl’s dream. I was excited that the Lord had answered both mine and Mummy’s prayers.

Seven years down the road, I look back and wonder,,, out of that same excitement, I made vows, which vows, if you randomly asked me now, I would not quite remember. All I know is that Pr. Joshua read them out to me as I repeated after him. I was too excited to comprehend what I was saying. I was too excited to fully understand the depth of the commitment I was getting myself into. Looking back now, I think to myself, “I made vows I did not fully understand 😦 “ It is a sad reality I know!

However, the one part that I remember so well was the bit of “till death do us part” But why? Why such a clause when someone is vowing to things they are clueless about? I know I am sounding so canal and worldly right now to many of you, but y’all should blame it on these ‘anniversary jitters’,  and not just any anniversary, but one where I have broken every one of the vows I made.

I am not proud that I broke them as I may come off, but truth is, when the heat intensified, I walked out of the kitchen. I chose the easier way out. When things got bad, I packed my bags and left. I did not wait for death to do us part.

Today, right now, I would probably be up and about, preparing for a memorable celebration, either for just the two of us, or all the five. I am not so sure, but right now I am here with mixed feelings scattered all over the place, I will however dwell on just one, and that is gratitude.

I am grateful to God that once in my lifetime I lived my childhood dream. I wore that white gown, wore a crown on my head, walked up the aisle and found the man that I was so in love with waiting for me at the other end.

I am so grateful to God that once in my life I enjoyed a love so heavenly, a love so real. I was a queen in my castle, with my king right beside me.

I am so grateful that the Lord blessed us with the most amazing babies, a lovely son, Adonai and cute twins, Annabelle Alpha and Asher Omega. These three have taught me what love is. I have learnt that it is possible and normal to put someone else before yourself.

I am grateful for the good times we had while I was married. We played, we prayed, we talked, we laughed, we celebrated, we whispered, we made love and we generally enjoyed the goodness and the blessings of the Lord.

And I am also grateful for the bad times we had. We fought, we cried, we had silent moments, we disagreed, we hurt each other till our hearts bled with pain and then we finally called it quits!

And I am grateful for the many other wonderful pages that made up that chapter of my life. For sometime now, I have been praying and hoping that I wake up one morning and all that is erased from my memory, but I guess that will never happen. I have now accepted that that will forever be part of my life, I however choose to put closure to it today.

I am proud to say that I have lived, I have loved and I have learned, so I officially move on to the next chapter!

Who I am

Maybe I lost someone I never expected to lose.

Maybe I lost myself, that is even worse!

Maybe my bad days just won’t let up.

Maybe when I look in the mirror I can not recognize myself anymore.

Maybe I thought I had finally got it right with this one person and then he walked out on me.

My mind is filled up with all these ‘maybes’ that could correctly define me right now, but I also know what I am and what I am not.

I am not the sum of my past mistakes.

I am not damaged goods.

I am not muddy from my failed explorations.

I am not the opinion of someone who does not know me.

I am a product of the lessons that I have learnt.

I am wiser because I went through something terrible and learnt from it.

I am stronger because they tried to break me, but they did not.

I am a woman that has survived  a host of storms.

I am a woman that has fallen down a couple of times, risen up, shook it off and walked right on.

I am living proof that pain makes one stronger and rainstorms cleaner.

I am a strong woman!

 

Christmas in Solitude 

“Christmas in solitude? What on earth is that?” asked one of my girls, rolling her eyes 🙄

“It’s exactly that,” I smiled back.

I knew no one was going to understand that I had chosen to spend Christmas all by myself, but that was okay. I was determined to be Deliberately Selfish after reading that great book by Bahati Hilda.

Truth be told, I have a crush on that girl🙈. It’s very rare that I have #WomanCrushes, but this one has me smitten. I admire her, her zeal and love for life, not just hers, but everyone else’s. She has this desire in her that everyone gets to that place where their potential is all out and to full use. Between me and you, she is on my to-stalk list 2017…ssssshhhhh…she shouldn’t know this🤐

Anyway, I began planning this ‘Christmas in Solitude’ like two months prior. I started planning on where my babies would be. I started coming up with stories to tell my mom when she calls asking for the menu. I started looking out for which of the highways from Kampala I should take.

By early December the babies were sorted, I had worked out something with their dad. It was perfect. I was now left with my mom and family to deal with. I just didn’t know how I would break the news of my being away this time round. For as far as I remember, Christmas has always been a family affair. We are all together at Mom’s, except my baby brother who was on duty most of the time.

So I went mute until one morning when the long awaited and dreaded call came through. It was about two weeks to Christmas, but there was no ‘activity’ whatsoever.

“So what do you have on the menu this time round?” asked mummy after asking how I was doing.

Just in case you missed the memo, I’m the family chef. Yes, I am she💁🏽 I love doing it, especially because they all enjoy my delicacies. Each one clears their plate… all chefs know how satisfactory and fulfilling that is.

“Er…rm… uhmmmm…” I tried to look for words, “I won’t be around.”

“Huh?” I could hear the shock in mum’s voice, “where are you going?”

Now, I didn’t have the slightest idea of what to tell her as I, too, wasn’t sure of where I was going.

“Somewhere,” I replied sheepishly, making her believe I have a very juicy secret.

“Oh, okay…” I could sense the disappointment in her tone. I knew she was going to miss me. I’m sure she wanted to stop me from going, but she knew it was too late.

After that call, I celebrated jumping over my hardest hurdle of the season. I knew I was good to ‘go’… planning for my ‘journey’. I weighed all my options, and surprisingly my house beat all destinations. Yes, I chose to celebrate Jesus’ birthday just the two of us, and my oh my, it was memorable! Naturally, I’m charged up by people, so I would be lying if I said it was the best Christmas ever. However, I enjoyed every bit of it!

About three days to Christmas Mom called again, “So, when are you leaving?”

“I’m working until the 23rd, so I guess I will be leaving on the 24th”

“Where are you headed to?”

I hesitated. I didn’t know how to tell her that I will be at my house.

She interrupted my thoughts, “don’t worry I won’t ask you to take me with you”

Lots of ‘lies’ went through my mind and then I chose the best and most believable, “Mom, I will tell you when I return”

I didn’t think I would get off the hook that easily, but I did and before long, the call ended.

Moments later, my brother calls, I knew what this was about, so I came up with answers before I picked his call 😀 When he asked where I was going, I boldly told him Masindi. I have never been there, I don’t even know anyone close that side. I was amused, however, at his fears about my destination…😃😃😃 it got me thinking how much he loves me, even though he may not say it often.

Fast forward, the long planned-for day was here. It was Christmas morning 🌞The sun was beautifully bright, all creation seemed to be in a very good mood. It was surely the King’s Birthday.

One small glitch however, I was down. I sort of regretted choosing solitude over all the people that loved me. I remembered the most recent Christmas and I missed my babies terribly, I just couldn’t hold back the tears 😭 I picked up the phone, rang my babies, it wasn’t answered. I felt a pang in my heart… it hurt. I worried. I wanted them here. I wanted to be the one to serve them that signature Christmas breakfast.

Thankfully at about that time, my phone rang and it was them. They were already on their way to church. They were well fed, I didn’t want to go into the details of what. I spoke to each one of them, and as usual Annabelle was my highlight.

“So, how do you look this morning?” I asked

“I look like a ‘Printhetha‘ (read princessa, from Telenovela)” she responded in her deep, husky voice, at a pace of 3 words per minute.

Oh, that was enough for me to go through the day! They were alright and happy, that’s all that mattered.

I spent my day working. Yeah, and before you frown, it wasn’t your usual office work, nope, I was doing something I really love, I was writing 😊😊😊 And by the time I got tired, I was done with devotionals for two whole months. I know right, I deserve a medal 🎖😉

I had a great time writing from the very heart of the Birthday Boy. I can’t wait to read the responses to those particular devotionals. They are the beautiful fruit of my first Christmas alone. I’m not sure I would choose it again, but I’m not promising it won’t happen again either😜

If Satan had known…

If Satan had known what he was doing when he crucified the Lord of glory on the Cross, he would have never done it. He thought the crucifixion was his greatest victory, but it was actually his ultimate defeat.

If Satan had known what he was doing when he arranged for that beating in which Jesus received thirty nine stripes on his back… when he incited the soldiers to make that crown of thorns and press it into Jesus’ scalp until Blood ran down His face and into His beard… when he pierced His hands and feet and later His sides… when he made arrangements for the bloodshed that redeemed God’s man, he would certainly never have done it.

As believers we receive power, healing, deliverance and protection when we apply the Blood of Jesus by faith, asking the Lord to cover us, our loved ones, etc in His Blood. No wonder Satan hates the Blood. No wonder he is afraid of the Blood. If he had known what he was doing, he would never have shed that innocent Blood. But it was done once and for all, and it can never be undone.

He did not enter by means of the blood of goats and calves; but He entered the Most Holy Place once and for all by His own Blood, so obtaining eternal redemption ~ Hebrews 9:12

When you hide the Word in your heart ~ 3

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If there is a Word I hid in my heart, it is Malachi 3:10-11 ~ Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is ripe,” says the Lord Almighty, especially the emphasized part. I have learnt and witnessed that there is a special protection cover that tithe gives over everything of the ‘tither’.

I am laughing even as I type this 😀 See, I had so many financial obligations so I did not pay my most recent tithe (shame on me!) Now, each time this Word came to remembrance, I could not get my mouth to say it out because I knew I was a defaulter. There was no way I was going to pin God about preventing pests from devouring my crops yet I had not met my side of the bargain. So I steered clear of claiming that promise.

I however knew Lamentations 3:22-23 ~ Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning I knew His mercies for me were new for that particular day. I also remembered Psalm 103:10 ~ “He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities” So I claimed all the other promises as the peace of God continued to rule my heart.

Moral of story: when you meet your obligations in this Father-child relationship with God, you can boldly stand and wait on Him to play His part!

 

When you hide the Word in your heart ~ 2

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“Hullo Sweetie, how are you?” asked my sister over the phone, her voice was so full of concernShe was worried about how I was holding up after the loss of my handbag. She knew all that I carry in around in it, she was fully aware that a very important part of me was gone.

“I am very well, thank you. How about you?”  I replied, sincerely.

She confesses that she was shocked, surprised and relieved. She expected me to be low, sad and without hope. The tone of my voice was such a great encouragement to her. I sounded strong, I was joyful, if she did not know the secret to my joy, she would have been utterly confused.

And on to my secret; I had the Word of God hidden in my heart. When my bag was snatched, I wailed, but as I did, I remembered Hebrews 1:14 ~ “Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?” I immediately sent them out to locate my bag and return it to me. I haven’t lost faith, I know very soon we shall be reunited 😀

But then, I was still worked up, I was confused, I did not know what to do. I did not know what direction to take, and then I was reminded of Philippians 4:7 ~ “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” I spoke the peace of God upon my life. I prayed that my heart is securely guarded by it. It worked 🙂 The panic disappeared, I regained my thinking. I immediately remembered a friend that would help me, I borrowed a phone and contacted him. I also remembered there was an extra key for my house somewhere, generally my heart was ruled by peace.

Later on in the night, I could not sleep, I was scared, “What if the guy followed me home?” “What if he uses that very key to get in while I am asleep?” I was suspicious of every little sound, and then the Lord reminded me of Isaiah 41:10 ~ “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” It was enough that the Lord was with me. The Lord would help me. So after there, with all the Word hidden in my heart, I wrote some more devotions, and then slept off like a baby.

The next morning I could hear the devil mocking and laughing at me 😦 and then I knocked him down with Micah 7:8 ~ “Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light.”  I gave him no chance to steal my joy, for the joy of the Lord if my strength. I knew I would need this strength in the days to come.

This experience of losing my bag, and yet being able to keep my head on the shoulders is a great lesson to always hide the Word of God in one’s heart!

A time to breath

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I am home, seated on the couch, thinking about my day, wondering how the people and things on-line are doing since I have been off. I can’t stop imagining how many people have sent messages asking for their WORD FOR TODAY. I can’t stop imagining how many people have called on my numbers only to be replied by that not-so-kind girl, “the number you have called is not available at the moment, please try again later!“(rolls eyes).

This is not anything like my everyday evening, I am usually up and about the internet, catching up with friends after a long day’s work. I never have this quality couch time. I never have time to think about the people that hold these places in my heart. I am always online connecting with them yet in actual sense my heart is disconnecting from them (this will be another post altogether, how we need to disconnect to connect).

Today, I have breathed, I have reflected, I have meditated on the goodness of the Lord. Naturally, I would be ‘mad’ at God for letting this happen to me, but not this time round. There is this joy and peace that I can’t put in words. I am more confident of Romans 8:28, than I have ever been, this is surely working for my good.

I finally have a time to breathe!

*Romans 8:28 ~ “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”