So many moments are still fresh in my memory. It is one of those days I forever cherish, one of those days I always look back at fondly.
I was up by 3:00am, having gone to bed after midnight. It was drizzling when I got up, and deep down my spirit was rejoicing because rain symbolizes blessings where I come from.
Some of the girls on my entourage spent the night with me, so when we got up we prepared, then had a session of prayer with my kindred, and by 5:00am we were out of the house. I am teary as I type this… it is the memory of me saying ‘Goodbye’ to the place I had called home all my life… I was saying ‘Goodbye’ to my people, to my Mummy L I was heading out on my own, I was going to start my own home. It was exciting, but scary at the same time. I would not have my Mummy there when my monthly night mare showed up [read cramps]. I was heading to a world where I was not going to be the baby anymore. The change was so drastic! From home baby to home manger…wow!
The most surprising bit is that I did not feel any of those emotions then, no. I guess they were all clouded by the excitement. I was super excited that the day I had so much looked forward to was finally here. I was excited that I was getting married to the man I was so much in love with. I was excited that I was finally going to walk up the aisle in that crystal white gown and meet my Prince Charming waiting for me the other end, as is every little girl’s dream. I was excited that the Lord had answered both mine and Mummy’s prayers.
Seven years down the road, I look back and wonder,,, out of that same excitement, I made vows, which vows, if you randomly asked me now, I would not quite remember. All I know is that Pr. Joshua read them out to me as I repeated after him. I was too excited to comprehend what I was saying. I was too excited to fully understand the depth of the commitment I was getting myself into. Looking back now, I think to myself, “I made vows I did not fully understand 😦 “ It is a sad reality I know!
However, the one part that I remember so well was the bit of “till death do us part” But why? Why such a clause when someone is vowing to things they are clueless about? I know I am sounding so canal and worldly right now to many of you, but y’all should blame it on these ‘anniversary jitters’, and not just any anniversary, but one where I have broken every one of the vows I made.
I am not proud that I broke them as I may come off, but truth is, when the heat intensified, I walked out of the kitchen. I chose the easier way out. When things got bad, I packed my bags and left. I did not wait for death to do us part.
Today, right now, I would probably be up and about, preparing for a memorable celebration, either for just the two of us, or all the five. I am not so sure, but right now I am here with mixed feelings scattered all over the place, I will however dwell on just one, and that is gratitude.
I am grateful to God that once in my lifetime I lived my childhood dream. I wore that white gown, wore a crown on my head, walked up the aisle and found the man that I was so in love with waiting for me at the other end.
I am so grateful to God that once in my life I enjoyed a love so heavenly, a love so real. I was a queen in my castle, with my king right beside me.
I am so grateful that the Lord blessed us with the most amazing babies, a lovely son, Adonai and cute twins, Annabelle Alpha and Asher Omega. These three have taught me what love is. I have learnt that it is possible and normal to put someone else before yourself.
I am grateful for the good times we had while I was married. We played, we prayed, we talked, we laughed, we celebrated, we whispered, we made love and we generally enjoyed the goodness and the blessings of the Lord.
And I am also grateful for the bad times we had. We fought, we cried, we had silent moments, we disagreed, we hurt each other till our hearts bled with pain and then we finally called it quits!
And I am grateful for the many other wonderful pages that made up that chapter of my life. For sometime now, I have been praying and hoping that I wake up one morning and all that is erased from my memory, but I guess that will never happen. I have now accepted that that will forever be part of my life, I however choose to put closure to it today.
I am proud to say that I have lived, I have loved and I have learned, so I officially move on to the next chapter!